Do you find talking to yourself very often?
If you do, then what kind of conversation you do with yourself- positive, negative, instructional, all of them or maybe none?
This is a complicated question but when you think deeply about it, you might have the answer.
You might be thinking that why do we even talk to ourselves? Is it healthy?
Well, self-talk is a powerful tool we use while trying to understand the situation and make choices out of it. We indulge in it, for several reasons that can be:4 Top Reasons on Why People do Self Talk
- Out of boredom Whenever we are alone or when the thought of loneliness creeps inside us; we think. We think about our past, things that we said, things that should have happened, etc, and while thinking we get so lost that we start blabbering to ourselves. It doesn’t make sense to people but somehow we pay attention to such thoughts that we forget we are in the real world!
- Confusion When we are confused between 2 options or more, we make an imaginary map, we think about its pros and cons which lead us to talk about it. Well, don’t you think that when we make decisions for ourselves, it turns out to be amazing because somehow we know what we actually wanna have!
- When We Want to FocusKinda contrasting, isn’t it? When we lack focus, our mind diverts and leads us to no solution. When we indulge in self-talk, we also try to be focused on the thoughts that create ideas and helps us to do our tasks.
- When something Good/Bad happens Our way of talking changes due to our mood, when something good happens and we are happy about it, we say kind things but when things don't go well, we start blaming and push ourselves to try harder. The way we talk about it changes our feeling and that's how our brain receives information.
Therefore, self-talk helps us to make decisions but only in one condition, which is; the way we talk to ourselves about it.What Is Negative Self-Talk?
It’s acceptable to have negative emotions, we all face issues such as anger, disappointment, sadness, guilt, etc but when we impose those emotions on ourselves, like, “I always do wrong”, “only bad things happen to me”, “I am such a failure” we indulge in negative self-talk which undermines the good qualities and makes us feel horrible. It is the inner dialogue where we sometimes compare ourselves and makes us feel that we don’t deserve anything. When we say, “I can’t do this” we believe it and never try to make that happen. We lose a sense of “who we are” and lower our self-esteem.
Remember, overcoming these thoughts might be difficult but it is surely not impossible. Here, we present:6 Ways to Deal with Negative Self-Talk
- Question Your Thoughts Whenever you feel like “I don’t deserve it”, ask questions like “why I don’t deserve it?” Or when you say “I can’t do this”, ask yourself, “Why can't I do this?” This way, we will challenge our thoughts and make sure that we are thinking in the right direction. It would boost our self-confidence and will make us feel great about ourselves. We don’t have any reason behind our thoughts, it is simply there, floating and making us believe that it is what we are and we cannot let it go, but when we question them; we realize that we can do/be anything!
- Don’t Overthink Thinking about the same thing, again and again, would make us less capable of handling such situations. When we overthink, we aren’t trying to solve it but we stretch it so much that we no longer remember how to fight it. Avoid overthinking by just being there in the present. When we tell ourselves that we are a loser, our mind believes in it and we think about more situations where we might have lost. Rather than overthinking, think deeply about the present and how you can try to fix it!
- Give Time To Yourself Pause from a hectic day; don’t rush into doing things without giving time to yourself otherwise, it would leave you exhausted. We aren’t robots who can do things in a second; we require time and energy for it. Sometimes, we have to do so much work that we feel a lack of time and become irritated that we show hatred towards ourselves and spoil everything. Take breaks when you are studying/working to save your energy, it would also freshen up your mind and helps you concentrate.
- Reward Yourself Humans feel motivated when they are getting a reward in the end. When you finish doing what you planned for, or when you win or score well in an exam, give yourself treats, this way you will remember your victories no matter how big or small they could be. Therefore, next time when you may fall, you will also remember that you have won previous times and you will tell yourself that you aren’t a failure.
- It’s About You Not Them We indulge in negative self-talk when we think about what others think, but we forget that if we don’t be nice to ourselves then nobody will ever be. People will think about what they perceive you as but when you start doubting yourself, you will make them sure that you aren’t good enough. The battle is not about what a person thinks for the other person, it is simply what they think about themselves.
- Write What You Are Thinking / Feeling On a piece of paper, write whatever you think or feel about yourself. Like, “I am a stupid person because I spilled coffee on the important documents’’ or “I will fail as I haven’t prepared much for the exam” this way, you won’t shout at yourself or be angry, rather you will try to stay calm and think what next you can do. You might want to see if you have more copies of such documents or even if you haven’t prepared much, you will try your best in the exams. Talking negatively about ourselves may give you harsh feelings that would ruin your day but when you write it, you will have some hope that you can still do something about it.
We hope such methods would help you deal with negative self-talk and you will try to be as calm and compassionate as you can be. According to Buddha, “You as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.”
You Deserve Everything, Just Believe In It, And Work With Pure Intentions!